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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?